thinlysliced (thinlysliced) wrote,

House Gets a Girlfriend

It’s an OOC fiesta! House turns into both a teenaged girl and a heartless monster, and Cameron gives up on sex…

Luckily MST!House makes up for it by spanking MST!Cameron, while MST!Foreman worries his valuable skills aren’t being effectively utilized. Also featuring the diagnostic talents of MST!Wilson and outraged protests of MST!Chase.

A/N: I feel slightly bad MSTing this since it’s obviously (hopefully) by a pretty young author and well meant, but it just had to be done. This piece is actually part five of a 20-part series, but I think you’ll pick up the plot easily enough. I’m sure it gave some of its readers great joy, but it just gave me pains in the head.

[Wilson walks into House’s office. House is staring intently at his computer.]

Wilson: House, I need a consult.
House: Can’t, busy.
Wilson: My patient’s dying.
House: So is a little part of my soul.
Wilson: *puzzled* What are you doing, anyway? You look almost like you’re working.
House: Like a ten-year-old Asian kid in a Nike sweatshop.

Wilson: *sneaking around behind House* Hey, is that –
House: Bad!fic, but it’s mine. You have to go heal the sick.
Wilson: My patient’s not actually dying right at this moment. I could spare a few minutes.
House: *snorts* You’re a fickle man, Wilson. Cameron!
Cameron: *enters from conference room* You bellowed?
House: Ready the troops. We’re going over the top.
Cameron: Um, does that mean you want the whiteboard in here?
House: Forget the whiteboard. Just get Chase and Foreman in here, now.
Cameron: *fetches ducklings*

Chase: What’s going on?
Wilson: Bad!fic.
Foreman: I’m a highly trained neurologist. I shouldn’t have to –
Cameron: Belt up, Foreman. We’re going in.
House: *sighs* Over the top. Enough chit-chat; it’s time to concentrate. So much has happened already: Cameron and I have eaten at a diner, shared a milkshake and kissed in a playground. Then Cameron slept over in my guest room, and the next day we went shopping at Macy’s and watched a movie. Apparently, I chose War of the Worlds. At the end of part four we were making out in the parking lot. Now this…

Cameron woke up in his arms. They were in his bed, their bodies entangled. 'How far did she go with him last night?' was the first question that came to mind.At that moment she became nervous. Quickly looking down, she was relieved that all her clothes were still on.

Cameron: Yeah, thank god I didn’t get any.
House: I’m saving myself.
Wilson: For Lindsay Lohan.

Not that she didn't want to sleep with him, but she wasn't ready for that yet. Their relationship just started.

Foreman: Just started what – figure skating? Macramé? Making a strange rattling sound?

Their relationship? She was still amazed, she never thought that her secret worshiping of him would turn into so much.

Chase: So far it’s turned into a sleepover.

She turned and kissed him. House's eyes opened, he was awake now.

"Good Mourning" she whispered.

House: Oh, yes, terrific funeral. Loved every minute of it.
Foreman: I’m in mourning, for my career. I can just see my next job interview: “Well, mostly I helped Dr House out with MSTing bad!fic, but –”
House: *throws book at Foreman’s head*
Foreman: *ducks just in time*

He yawned. Their little make-out fest last night tired him out. Just the thought of that made him smile. The images replayed in his head.

House: Squee! Making out with Cameron is, like, so hot.
Cameron: House?
House: Ooh, Cam, I’m totally going to braid your hair!
Cameron: *frowns worriedly*
Wilson: Hmm, I’ve seen this once before. It’s a rare bad!fic-induced condition – very sudden onset, with the patient manifesting characteristics of a 14-year-old girl. Luckily, it’s easily cured. A sharp slap usually does the trick.
Cameron: *administers slap to the face*
House: *rubs cheek* Haven’t you been paying attention to the fic? I’m clearly not into the kinky stuff. You might be able to persuade me, though…
Cameron: He’s cured.

"Good Mourning, sleep well? I sure did. Your a good kisser,

Foreman: Your ‘a good kisser’ is over there on the table. I’m beating myself over the head with mine.

not as good as me though. Don't worry with some practice ..."

House: Damn, I’m wry.
Cameron: *raises an eyebrow* Just out of curiosity, what kind of persuasion were you thinking of?
House: Ever seen Ilsa: The Wicked Warden?
Cameron: I could rent it.
Chase: You two are making my eyes water.

Cameron put her hand over his mouth.

"I will get changed, then I'll make some breakfast" She released her hand

House: …and it went on a murderous rampage.
Cameron: That’s not all it can do.
Wilson: *sotto voce* I’ve met 10-pound tumors subtler than you.

and walked out the door, to the guest bedroom. She took out the bags from their shopping trip and put on the lavender Juicy sweats. By that time, he was already out of bed, making his way to the kitchen. He could help but catch a glimpse of her changing. More then a glimpse. Lets be honest, he saw the girl in her bra and panties. He would be slightly embarrassed, but they were dating now.

House: You have no idea how ashamed I feel staring at Cameron’s ass every day outside the sanctity of going steady.
Wilson: You’re a tortured soul.
House: Still, you can never really tell how you’ll react in a situation until it actually happens; in the interests of science, I propose Cameron strip down to her underwear right now and I’ll monitor my level of embarrassment.
Cameron: *rolls eyes* Yeah, you’re all about the empiricism, House.
House: *leers* I’m a Humean at heart.
Cameron: Perhaps we could do some research a little later, though…
House: *slips hand onto Cameron’s thigh*

Officially for a few hours, Unofficially since Friday. That didn't matter to him. At least he told himself it didn't.House walked into the hallway and got the newspaper. He sat down at the counter and read. Cameron was in the kitchen now, cooking eggs.

"Scrambled or Sunny-Side up Greg?" she said

Cameron: I managed to get dressed, head to the kitchen and make eggs, all in the time it took House to pick up a newspaper?


"To Bad, because they are Sunny-Side up."

Chase: Snap!
House: *looks at Cameron* I’m going to have to discipline you for that.
Cameron: Not fair, that was fic!me!
House: *smacks her on the butt* The line between reality and fiction is a fluid and every-changing one.
Cameron: *smirks*
Wilson: You’ll find there’s a somewhat clearer line between what’s workplace appropriate and what’s just plain vulgar.

she handed a plate to him. They were almost finished eating, when her cell phone rang.

Foreman: How about at least a paragraph break to suggest time passing?

"I should get that." she walked into the Guest bedroom, shutting the door. Her phone read 'Eric F.' in tiny letters.

"Hey Eric" she said.

"Allison, thank god, your phone was off all weekend. I thought you died." Eric said.

"Oh, no. I am fine. I am Just peachy, you?"

"Great. You sound happy. Anyways, Rob and I were going to catch something to eat today. You in?"

Chase: Rob? You have got to be kidding me.
Foreman: What are you whining about? I’m the one who’s turned into Cameron’s best girlfriend.
Cameron: *squeals* Oh, Eric, you can buy matching lavender Juicy sweats and we can be sisters!
Foreman: *curses under his breath*
House: *still with hand on Cameron’s leg* You don’t actually have any tight-fighting sweatsuits, do you?
Cameron: *trailing a finger over House’s hand* No, but we could go shopping together.
House: I hear there’s a sale at Victoria’s Secret.

"Thanks but I am busy right now."

"Aww come on. It would be just Chase and I. What a snore."

Chase: Hey, I’m an interesting guy!
Foreman: But what if you back out on me? Then it would just be I.
Wilson: And you’re a total doze.
Cameron: Complete snooze-fest.
Foreman: *glowers*

"Invite someone else from work. Or one of your friends, you have any?"

"Very funny. Who you want me to call House? Ha."

"He is busy now anyway" Cameron covered her mouth.

House: Those almost finished eggs are going to keep me occupied all day.
Cameron: I’m a complete idiot.
House: *eyes Cameron suggestively* Fic!you’s just a pale imitation of the real thing.
Wilson: *gags*
House/Cameron: *start kissing passionately*

She knew she shouldn't of said that. There was a long pause.

Foreman: During which it occurred to her that she shouldn’t have used “of”.

"Oh, thats where you been. With him." he laughed. She didn't reply. "Wilson said he didn't pick up his phone all of yesterday. And we all know House has no social life. You didn't sleep with him, did you?"

"House and I are going out now. He took me out Friday night, and we went shopping yesterday. Are you going to tell everyone like you are in eighth grade?"

"Did you sleep with him?"

Wilson: Of course not, House is really into platonic sleepovers.
House: *tries to kick Wilson*
Cameron: Ow!
House: Oops! I think I’d better kiss that better.
Chase: I’m pretty sure you didn’t kick her in the neck.
House: *successfully kicks Chase*

"NO! But when I do, I will be sure to have a tripod handy. I'll send you a copy."

"I can tell his sarcasm is rubbing off on you. " Foreman laughed "I am happy for you Allison. If this is what you want. I am really am."

Cameron: *coming up for air* Becoming more sarcastic is what I want.
Wilson: What you really, really want.

"Thanks Eric. I gotta go now"

"One more thing, I am going to expect the WHOLE story tomorrow."

Chase: During recess.
Foreman: *facepalm*

"Good Bye now Eric!" she clapped the phone closed and tucked it in her bag.

Eric laughed at the thought. How long would they last? He would put his money on only a week.

Cameron ventured into the living room, where she saw her new boyfriend on the couch watching General Hospital. She snuggled next to him.

Cameron: You’re so my new boyf!
House: I’m only using you for your body.
Both: *much kissing*

"It was Eric"

"What that did he want? Sex?

Foreman: Yes, because you can just cut the sexual tension between me and Cameron with a knife.

Your mine now Cameron, remember." he laughed.

"He wanted to know how I was doing. I told him about us Greg."

"Did he drag it out of you?"

"No, I am not ashamed. Are you?"

House just started laughing. "I am not. But you realize that we are going to be interrogated tomorrow. By Wilson, Cuddy, Chase, Foreman, the Nurses, the Orderlies. Hell, even the janitors."

"Well just tell them the truth. How you think I am irresistible. " she got up onto his lap, and bit his ear.

"Your blocking my view. My show is on for God's sake!" he looked into her eyes. They kissed. Slowly, openingand closing their mouths.

Wilson: Like dying fish.

He put his arms around her waist.

"I hate to ruin our little moment. But I should get home soon. Before you captivate me and we go into the bedroom.

Cameron: *doing up the top button of her shirt* Remember, I’m dead set on self-denial.
Chase: *has coughing attack*
House: *smirks* I can be very captivating.

Before you know it, I'll be spending the night. We have work tomorrow". She kissed him openmouthed, now.

"Its only noon though. O I see, your sick of me." she made a sad-puppy face.

Cameron: Oh, please, no.
House: I have some puppy biscuits stashed in the clinic.
Cameron: Perhaps we should go check on them.
House: *slowly running a hand up Cameron’s back* The moment we finish reading this fic.

"Gregory House, I can't get enough of you." she kissed him once more on the neck. He let out a little moan in reply. "I have to go home though. You understand. You can come with if you want!"

He thought for awhile. "No, I think your right. To much of one person is never to good. Look at Wilson and Julie"

She laughed. "They're married. I would be on eggshells if I were his wife. He stares at every single woman he sees." she got off his lap and walked to the guest bedroom. Cameron gathered her bags and walked right back where she left him. She sat back down next to him, draping her skinny arms around his body. She squeezed him, like he was a Teddy Bear.

All: *cringe*

"What are you doing after work tomorrow?"

"Wilson and I have plans. We're going to a car show tomorrow. He is in the market for a new car. Or so he says. Wilson just wants to see the girlson top ofthe cars.

Wilson: First I spend too much time with Julie, now I’m a pubescent boy.
House: Bad!fic author is completely off. Those girls are far too popular; no way are they needy enough for you.
Wilson: *glares*

You can tag along if you want. "

"Nah. That isn't my thing. Don't you be looking, staring, kissing, or making any kind of pass at those girls. You won't be happy"

"Wilson can and I can't! Thats not fair." he crossed his arms.

"I am sure Julie wouldn't be happy with him either. What about Tuesday?"

"One of my favorite medical shows is on at 9:00 on Fox." (authors note-ha ha Ihad to include that.)

"How about, you come over to my place and we'll watch it."

"Alright" he got his cane and walked with her out the door. They drove to the hospital where he dropped his new lover off by her car. Once again she squeezed the death out of him.

House: I’ve never felt so alive! *jumps up and grabs Cameron; dips her over his arm and kisses her; clutches leg; sits down hurriedly*

"Hunny, I had a fantastic time this weekend" Cameron cooed.

Foreman: Of course, that’s a lesser-known abbreviation of ‘honey bunny’. Or ‘House bunny’. *shudder*

"Wish I could say the same." She jabbed him in the chest.

"Ouch. That hurt" He put her arm around her back and leaned into her. She replied with a deep kiss. For the second time in one weekend, in the Hospital Parking lot, they made out.She held his hand, not wanting to let go.

"Bye, I'll miss you" he said, letting her go gently.

Chase: Now fortified with extra OOC goodness!

"I will miss you too! I'll see you at work. Good Bye Dr.Gregory House" Cameron stepped in her car, smiling at him.

"Good Bye Dr.Allison Cameron" he walked back into his own car. He watched her pull out of the parking lot and down the street. House sat there staring into space. He had to pinch himself. Was he really dating her? At that moment he realized, he was not only attracted to her, he couldn't live with out her.

House: Not like my appendix – I could totally live without that.
Foreman: Take away those italics, though, and you might just be been able to cling onto life sans Cameron. And who knew ‘with out’ was two words?
Chase: I did.
Foreman: *Rolls eyes*
House: *pulls wistful face* I could live without you, but why would I try?
Cameron: *grabs House*

Little did he know, Cameron was thinking the same thing about him. He put his car in drive. All of a sudden, his cell phone rang. He picked up, before realizing it was Wilson.

"What the fuck do you want? Julie finally kick you to the curb? You are not crashing at my place." he yelled through the mouth piece.

House: *absent-mindedly stroking Cameron’s hair* Then I realized it was Wilson and, in a furious mood from the horror that is requited love, I started screaming at my best friend.
Wilson: Fic!you should really stick to cutting insights into my personal shortcomings if he wants to stay in character.
House: Fic!me wouldn’t know where to start.
Wilson: Fic!me might consider punching fic!you.

"I heard about you and Cameron" Wilson smirked.

"Good for you"

"I'm am happy for you. Here, I'll come over there and you can tell me all the details". Before House could protest, Wilson hung up.


House found Wilson, sitting on his couch, watching his TV.

"What the hell?"

"So tell me? You get any ass? Ha ha. Just kidding. Tell me the whole entire story, every juicy detail". House sat down and explained to his only friend the whole story. The diner. The park. The shopping. The movie. The talks. Of course he left out most of the kissing and there argument in the car. He could tell Wilson was impressed.

Cameron: Who wouldn’t be!
House: I also left out all that gratuitous hand-holding.
Wilson: You went into detail about the BDSM, though.
House/Cameron: *exchange meaningful looks; go back to making out*

"You do realize, you are older then her." Wilson asked

"Yes. But by like sevan years. Not a huge gap."

Chase: ‘Sevan’?
Foreman: It’s medical slang – means ‘approximately twenty’.

"You also realize she is a gorgeous girl. She could have a younger more attractive guy."

"I do. She does also. She could of been a model. She could of married super rich. But Cameron didn't. She took the hard way out, she became a Doctor".

Wilson smiled. Maybe he was over the 'I am going to get hurt thing' .For once, he had faith in his friend. Allison on the other hand, he was worried about.He wondered how long it would last.If he was putting money out it, it would be a month.James Wilson didn't tell him that though.

"Lets order pizza!" Wilson announced

Wilson: I would never announce a suggestion.
House: You’ll let me pick the food if you know what’s good for you.
Cameron: I pick puppy biscuits!
House: *waggling his eyebrows at Cameron* Let’s go.
House/Cameron: *exit*
Foreman: Diagnosis?
Chase/Wilson: Terminally awful!
Tags: cameron, house, house/cam, mst, wilson

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